The same goes for them meeting your friends. While you’re wearing the
rose-tinted glasses during the honeymoon period, it can be tempting to
dismiss things that would bother you further down the line. Your friends
won’t be so easily fooled.

You have to listen to one another. Stephen Covey said it very
beautifully. He said, “Most of us don’t listen with the intent to
understand. We listen with the intent to reply.”

皇家88平台,All right, I want to see a show of hands: how many of you have
unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive
about politics or religion, childcare,food? And how many of you know at
least one person that you avoid because you just don’t want to talk to
them?

另外人生大事,比方出国职业、旅游等都大概影响你们的真情实意关系。所以早早知道对方的计划比较便于。

Now, part of that is due to technology. The smartphones that you all
either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them
really quickly. According to Pew Research, about a third of American
teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day. And many of them, almost
most of them, are more likely to text their friends than they are to
talk to them face to face. There’s this great piece in The Atlantic. It
was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell. And he gave
his kids a communication project. He wanted to teach them how to speak
on a specific subject without using notes. And he said this: “I came to
realize…”

You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we
just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in “My Fair Lady”: Stick
to the weather and your health. But these days, with climate change and
anti-vaxxing, those subjects – are not safe either. So this world that
we live in, this world in which every conversation has the potential to
devolve into an argument,where our politicians can’t speak to one
another and where even the most trivial of issues have someone fighting
both passionately for it and against it, it’s not normal. Pew Research
did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this
moment, we are more polarized, we are more divided,than we ever have
been in history. We’re less likely to compromise, which means we’re not
listening to each other. And we make decisions about where to live,who
to marry and even who our friends are going to be, based on what we
already believe. Again, that means we’re not listening to each other. A
conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and
somewhere along the way,we lost that balance.

对方的心上人和妻儿是何等样子的?

Number eight: Stay out of the weeds. Frankly, people don’t care about
the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you’re
struggling to come up with in your mind. They don’t care. What they care
about is you. They care about what you’re like, what you have in common.
So forget the details. Leave them out.

Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck
drivers, billionaires,kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers. I
talk to people that I like.I talk to people that I don’t like. I talk to
some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level. But I still
have a great conversation with them. So I’d like to spend the next 10
minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen.

对方怎么回答风险情形?

(Laughter)

A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain
interest, but long enough to cover the subject. — My Sister

对方的价值观是不是和您相似?

All right, I want to see a show of hands: how many of you have
unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive
about politics or religion, childcare, food?

Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look
the person in the eye,think of interesting topics to discuss in advance,
look, nod and smile to show that you’re paying attention, repeat back
what you just heard or summarize it. So I want you to forget all of
that. It is crap.There is no reason to learn how to show you’re paying
attention if you are in fact paying attention.Now, I actually use the
exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular
life.So, I’m going to teach you how to interview people, and that’s
actually going to help you learn how to be better conversationalists.
Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting
bored, and, please God,without offending anybody.We’ve all had really
great conversations. We’ve had them before. We know what it’s like. The
kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
or where you feel like you’ve made a real connection or you’ve been
perfectly understood.There is no reason why most of your interactions
can’t be like that.So I have 10 basic rules. I’m going to walk you
through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and
master it, you’ll already enjoy better conversations.
Number one: Don’t multitask.
And I don’t mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your
car keys or whatever is in your hand. I mean, be present. Be in that
moment. Don’t think about your argument you had with your boss. Don’t
think about what you’re going to have for dinner. If you want to get out
of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don’t be half in
it and half out of it.
Number two: Don’t pontificate.
If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response
or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog. Now, there’s a really
good reason why I don’t allow pundits on my show: Because they’re really
boring. If they’re conservative, they’re going to hate Obama and
foodstamps and abortion. If they’re liberal, they’re going to hate big
banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney. Totally predictable. And you
don’t want to be like that. You need to enter every conversation
assuming that you have something to learn. The famed therapist M. Scott
Peck said that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself. And
sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion. He said that
sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less
vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his
or her mind to the listener. Again, assume that you have something to
learn.Bill Nye:”Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you
don’t.” I put it this way: Everybody is an expert in something.
Number three: Use open-ended questions
In this case, take a cue from journalists. Start your questions with
who, what, when, where, why or how. If you put in a complicated
question, you’re going to get a simple answer out. If I ask you, “Were
you terrified?” you’re going to respond to the most powerful word in
that sentence, which is “terrified,” and the answer is “Yes, I was” or
“No, I wasn’t.” “Were you angry?” “Yes, I was very angry.” Let them
describe it. They’re the ones that know. Try asking them things like,
“What was that like?” “How did that feel?” Because then they might have
to stop for a moment and think about it, and you’re going to get a much
more interesting response.
Number four: Go with the flow.
That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go
out of your mind. We’ve heard interviews often in which a guest is
talking for several minutes and then the host comes back in and asks
aquestion which seems like it comes out of nowhere, or it’s already been
answered. That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago
because he thought of this really clever question, and he was just bound
and determined to say that. And we do the exact same thing. We’re
sitting there having a conversation with someone, and then we remember
that time that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.And we stop
listening. Stories and ideas are going to come to you. You need to let
them come and let them go.
**Number five: If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. **
Now, people on the radio, especially on NPR, are much more aware that
they’re going on the record,and so they’re more careful about what they
claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure. Do that.
Err on the side of caution. Talk should not be cheap.
Number six: Don’t equate your experience with theirs.
If they’re talking about having lost a family member, don’t start
talking about the time you lost a family member. If they’re talking
about the trouble they’re having at work,don’t tell them about how much
you hate your job. It’s not the same. It is never the same. All
experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it is not about you.
You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how
much you’ve suffered. Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ
was,and he said, “I have no idea. People who brag about their IQs are
losers.”Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.
Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself.
It’s condescending, and it’s really boring, and we tend to do it a lot.
Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we
have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over.Don’t
do that.
**Number eight: Stay out of the weeds. **
Frankly, people don’t care about the years, the names,the dates, all
those details that you’re struggling to come up with in your mind. They
don’t care. What they care about is you. They care about what you’re
like, what you have in common. So forget the details. Leave them out.
Number nine: This is not the last one, but it is the most important
one. Listen.

I can not tell you how many really important people have said that
listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that
you could develop. Buddha said, and I’m paraphrasing, “If your mouth is
open, you’re not learning.” And Calvin Coolidge said, “No man ever
listened his way out of a job.”Why do we not listen to each other?
Number one, we’d rather talk. When I’m talking, I’m in control.I don’t
have to hear anything I’m not interested in. I’m the center of
attention. I can bolster my own identity. But there’s another reason: We
get distracted. The average person talks at about 225 word per minute,
but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are
filling in those other 275 words. And look, I know, it takes effort and
energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can’t do that,
you’re not in a conversation. You’re just two people shouting out barely
related sentences in the same place.You have to listen to one another.
Stephen Covey said it very beautifully. He said, “Most of us don’t
listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to
reply.”
**One more rule,number 10, and it’s this one: Be brief. **

Stowe特说:“通过那一个主题素材,你能够明白此人是不是状态牢固,也足以领略他们是还是不是筹算好谈一场恋爱。”

Number four: Go with the flow. That means thoughts will come into your
mind and you need to let them go out of your mind. We’ve heard
interviews often in which a guest is talking for several minutes and
then the host comes back in and asks a question which seems like it
comes out of nowhere, or it’s already been answered. That means the host
probably stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this
really clever question, and he was just bound and determined to say
that. And we do the exact same thing. We’re sitting there having a
conversation with someone, and then we remember that time that we met
Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.

Now, part of that issue to technology. The smartphones that you all
either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them
really quickly. According to Pew Research, about a third of American
teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day. And many of them, almost
most of them, are more likely to text their friends than they are to
talk to them face to face. There’s this great piece in The Atlantic. It
was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell. And he gave
his kids a communication project. He wanted to teach them how to speak
on a specific subject without using notes. And he said this:”I came to
realize…” “I came to realize that conversational competence might be
the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach. Kids spend hours each
day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do
they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communications
skills. It might sound like a funny question, but we have to ask
ourselves: Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being
able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?”

2. Are they content with life?

Number three: Use open-ended questions. In this case, take a cue from
journalists. Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or
how. If you put in a complicated question, you’re going to get a simple
answer out. If I ask you, “Were you terrified?” you’re going to respond
to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is “terrified,” and
the answer is “Yes, I was” or “No, I wasn’t.” “Were you angry?” “Yes, I
was very angry.” Let them describe it. They’re the ones that know. Try
asking them things like, “What was that like?” “How did that feel?”
Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it,
and you’re going to get a much more interesting response.

All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and it is this one: Be
interested in other people.You know, I grew up with a very famous
grandfather, and there was kind of a ritual in my home.People would come
over to talk to my grandparents, and after they would leave,my mother
would come over to us, and she’d say, “Do you know who that was?She was
the runner-up to Miss America. He was the mayor of Sacramento. She won a
Pulitzer Prize. He’s a Russian ballet dancer.” And I kind of grew up
assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them. And
honestly, I think it’s what makes me a better host. I keep my mouth shut
as often as I possibly can, I keep my mind open, and I’m always prepared
to be amazed, and I’m never disappointed.You do the same thing. Go out,
talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to
be amazed. Thanks.

你不要太直白。你能够问对方“你对协和的行事满足吗?”或许“你在到现在位居的那些城市有归属感吗?”

Thanks.

刚开首一段恋爱之情就问这种主题素材就好像太深沉了,爱情最早的等第应该是开玩笑有意思、无忧无虑的。不过Stowe特以为,最棒能领略对方是不是满意于后天的活着。

[A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain
interest, but long enough to cover the subject. — My Sister]

Stowe特说:“对自个儿的活着满意说明你的精神状态适合结识别人、与旁人开启一段爱恋之情。固然那话很俗,然则你要先爱本人,工夫爱旁人。如果您遇见的人对自个儿的生活认为很不满,那注脚她们还没计划好接待另一人进去本身的生活。”

Number six: Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they’re talking
about having lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time
you lost a family member. If they’re talking about the trouble they’re
having at work, don’t tell them about how much you hate your job. It’s
not the same. It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And,
more importantly, it is not about you. You don’t need to take that
moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve suffered.
Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ was, and he said, “I
have no idea. People who brag about their IQs are losers.”

例如说,某一个人会将自身密闭起来,唯有亲昵的人技术让他们开采心扉。要是刚早先谈恋爱的三个人都以这种“心理隐士”,那么这段恋爱之情或许不会八面后珑前进下去。

(Laughter)

If you go through something stressful, see how the other person reacts.
It doesn’t have to be anything big, but it can be a good gauge for how
much help they will be during the tougher things life throws at you. If
they are dismissive or don’t seem to care about your troubles, it could
be a sign they’re afraid of intimacy, or can’t communicate very well.

(Applause) All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and it is
this one: Be interested in other people.

Stowe特说:“从深入来看,期骗自身是没用的。对方不会在一发轫就坦白交代,他们想着有一天自身恐怕会转移,但她俩不会改,拖到后来就成了难题。有一点点确定地点难点应当早日提议来。”

(Laughter)

For instance, some people retreat into themselves and need coaxing out
by someone who is more in touch with their feelings. If two emotional
hermits start dating, it might not be a totally healthy relationship
that blossoms.

Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck
drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.
I talk to people that I like. I talk to people that I don’t like. I talk
to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level. But I
still have a great conversation with them. So I’d like to spend the next
10 minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen.

“You can ask these questions which signal whether that person is in a
good place and whether you think they might be ready for a
relationship,” Stott said.

(Laughter)

约会应用Badoo的数量剖析师Clare·Stowe特说:“你不要直接问对方怎么想和您在一同,但您可以用这种形式发问:你怎么来相亲?你想找个什么样的伴侣?通过这种主题素材,你就会驾驭对方是或不是只是随意玩玩。

So I have 10 basic rules. I’m going to walk you through all of them, but
honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you’ll already
enjoy better conversations.

3. Do they have any major future plans?

Now, there’s a really good reason why I don’t allow pundits on my show:
Because they’re really boring. If they’re conservative, they’re going to
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion. If they’re liberal, they’re
going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney. Totally
predictable. And you don’t want to be like that. You need to enter every
conversation assuming that you have something to learn. The famed
therapist M. Scott Peck said that true listening requires a setting
aside of oneself. And sometimes that means setting aside your personal
opinion. He said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become
less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner
recesses of his or her mind to the listener. Again, assume that you have
something to learn.

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